"You know, the nuclear canal, a lot of smart people are saying we should do this. They said sleepy Joe should have done it, but no, too weak. They say this is the most nuclear canal that's ever been laid, can you believe that? Most nuclear. Isn't that something".
Not sure it's a wise thing to joke about nukes. The Toddler-in-Chief may go for it. It's like giving a bazooka to a 2-year-old. Better to suggest that Trump tries to reenact Moses' famous stunt. "But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it..." Trump would love to have outdone Moses...
You're definitely in the running for this year's Jonathan Swift Award, which I just made up in my head and give out whenever. It's great reading a parody like this.
"Every year you make hardworking Joes like my reporter friend pay income taxes. And for what? Aid to ungrateful foreigners, do-nothing nuclear missiles, tomb polish for some unknown soldier." - Mr Burns, The Simpsons, "The Trouble with Trillions"
Thank you Jordan for doing you part and making government efficient again.
A bold and brilliant proposal. The only conceivable flaw is I’m not sure if Secretary Hegseth can read - could this perhaps be sent to him as an audio file?
"You know, the nuclear canal, a lot of smart people are saying we should do this. They said sleepy Joe should have done it, but no, too weak. They say this is the most nuclear canal that's ever been laid, can you believe that? Most nuclear. Isn't that something".
I genuinely worry this type of idea would appeal
Newt Gingrich just reposted this to X. He believes this is a serious proposal!
Newt’s retweet was on Pod Save the World today!
Just what I was thinking too. Like, don’t give them any ideas.
The Iranians will pay for it if you use their uranium.
I non ironically support this modest proposal.
Not sure it's a wise thing to joke about nukes. The Toddler-in-Chief may go for it. It's like giving a bazooka to a 2-year-old. Better to suggest that Trump tries to reenact Moses' famous stunt. "But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it..." Trump would love to have outdone Moses...
For a minute there I thought I was reading the Onion! Love the post script on "anyone with brain cells." I love starting my morning with a good laugh
I wasn’t ready for this! Wow. Brilliant.
Newt brought me here. This is his best idea since the Seth Rich murder conspiracy.
You're definitely in the running for this year's Jonathan Swift Award, which I just made up in my head and give out whenever. It's great reading a parody like this.
Scary part is Hegseth may take it seriously.
Top notch shitpost. Well done, sir
"Every year you make hardworking Joes like my reporter friend pay income taxes. And for what? Aid to ungrateful foreigners, do-nothing nuclear missiles, tomb polish for some unknown soldier." - Mr Burns, The Simpsons, "The Trouble with Trillions"
Thank you Jordan for doing you part and making government efficient again.
A bold and brilliant proposal. The only conceivable flaw is I’m not sure if Secretary Hegseth can read - could this perhaps be sent to him as an audio file?
shitposting on Substack ❤️
This is the "monkey paw curls" of "we need to use more nuclear power"
Oh nice, I found the "hidden ending" of (rot-13) ahxvat gur oybpxnqr
*Slow clap*
this tops the sickest and most stupid things I've ever heard, and I am old. I bet you are a Magasshole.
Read to the end
Fair enough—age brings perspective, but it also tends to bias toward the “don’t reshape geography with nuclear enthusiasm” school of thought.
As for the rest, I’m less committed to labels and more to bold, solutions-oriented thinking.
It’s satire.